You're completely useless in the revolution.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
