Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
