He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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