i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
