After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
