Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You can't motorboat a personality
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
