Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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