The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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