ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
