I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
