I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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