im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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