I wish my penis had an off switch
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
