Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
