Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my shit smells like andre
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
