she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
