I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
