I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
