Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
