The maid of honor just puked.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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