I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Randomize
