Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
