He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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