Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
