my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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