Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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