Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
