But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
