So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
