I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
