You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
