and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
