my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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