You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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