I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
