What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My ATM looks so different sober.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
