Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
