I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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