but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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