I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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