do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
