got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
