Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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