you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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