I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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