even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
