My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
