I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
