I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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