i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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