We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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