Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
