Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize