my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
