I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
