3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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