Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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