I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
