They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
