so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
