pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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