so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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