I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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