Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
