i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
