ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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