I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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