so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
