Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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