I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
