He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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