we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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