She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
