The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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